


Do you want to?

by killians-dashingrescue (caroc25)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: CS AU, F/M, Friends with benefit, Smut, cs modern au, cs smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-04-05 12:34:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4180053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caroc25/pseuds/killians-dashingrescue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma’s love life is a complete train wreck and after an particularly awful date decides to strike a deal with her devilishly handsome roommate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This needed to be written even though I have a few stories pending. It’ll only be a few chapters and I already have a couple written so updates should be at least once a week if all goes well (but as usual I’m not making promises).
> 
> Thanks to oncertwice for helping me sort things out as usual and a big thanks to phiralovesloki for proof-reading and beta this story and cheering me on!!
> 
> Oh and this story is smutty…. very smutty.

The slam of the door informs him of another date gone wrong. Emma appears in the living room kicking her heels across the room as she flops onto the couch next to him. He looks at her both eyebrows raised as he awaits her rant about the latest bloke she agreed to go out with. She turns her head as she sees the bottle in his hands and takes it without permission and gulps half of the content. 

 

“Bad date?”

 

Emma scoffs at his comment and takes another swig of his beer.

 

“You know there’s more in the fridge.” She finally turns around to look at him with a smile on her face.

 

“Good, then you can bring me one.” Killian gives her fake smile as he gets up, taking the empty beer bottle from her hands and making his way towards the kitchen.

 

“Care to share what went wrong with this one?” he asks as he grabs the refreshments from the fridge and heads back to the living room, resuming his place next to her. 

 

“It all started out so well, getting to know each other, he was charming and funny, but he then decided to ruin it by asking me if I was down for a threesome with his girlfriend,” she spits, followed by loudly exhaling. 

 

Killian coughs, beer lodging at the back of his throat as he gasps for air.

 

“You’re kidding me?” he manages to ask, his voice hoarse. 

 

“Nope.” 

 

They stay in silence for a little while, both watching the television but not really paying attention, Killian still not believing that she went out with such pig and Emma clearly thinking the same thing.

 

“You know what? I think this whole dating thing isn’t for me. I should just find a man with who I can occasionally have sex with, no strings attached. I don’t need that whole emotional commitment crap.” 

 

“You mean like a friend with benefits?” 

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Why don’t you have a one night stand? It will scratch the itch.”

 

“Because one night stands are not as awesome as you expect. I mean you meet a guy, you have a couple of drinks, end up either at his or your apartment and have sex. Most of the time, it’s not even great because you’re just seeking the most basic of release and nothing else.” Emma stares at him as she points her index to him as if she was suddenly accusing him of something. “You guys are guaranteed to have an orgasm, us girls, not so much. So you see my problem with one night stands?”

 

Touché.

 

“But aren’t you afraid that if you have sex with the same person to help satiate your primal needs, you’ll develop feelings for them?” he retorts as he takes a sip of his drink. 

 

“Why? Just because you have sex a couple of times doesn’t mean I need to love the person giving me orgasms.”

 

Once again, Emma leaves him speechless. She shifts on her cushion and turns her upper body around as she tucks one leg under her, her left arm resting on the back of the couch, her beer safely tucked between her thighs. 

 

“What about you? Are you a one night stand kind of man or a friends with benefits kind of man?”

 

Killian licks his lips as he ponders on the question. He was once a man that craved a relationship with another person, learning everything about them and giving himself to them. That relationship turned out quite ugly, breaking his heart into tiny little pieces, the burning ache that was lodge deep in his chest almost as if someone poured acid on the remaining pieces that was once his heart. Since then, one night stands were by far the deepest relationship he had with a woman.

 

“I have never experience having a friend with such benefits, so I would go with sharing one night with a perfect stranger. Although, I wouldn’t mind either having the same person to be intimate with, more reliable I guess.”

 

“Aren’t you afraid of falling for them?” she teases as she asks him back his own question. 

 

Killian laughs at her comment as his hand goes at the back of his head, the tips of his fingers scratching his ear. 

 

“Well, let’s say that my heart has been damaged enough for me to want to commit myself in a loving relationship.”

 

Emma hums at his response, her eyes set on him as if she is studying him. He squints at her as if he can suddenly see the wheels turning inside her head and he slowly starts to shake his head from left to right. 

 

“No,” he firmly says as she opens her mouth, ready to retort. “No.” 

 

“What? I haven’t said anything!” she tells him but he can see the hint of a smile that she tries to hide. 

 

“You haven’t but I can see where those thoughts were leading you.” 

 

“Why not?” she simply asks him as she straightens her back. 

 

“Because,” he manages to say. He knows it’s a poor explanation but it’s the only word that he pops to mind. 

 

“Because what? I mean you’re fairly attractive, and I know that you think I’m pretty with the way you look at me, don’t you deny it.”

 

“Fairly attractive? That’s an understatement, I would say devilishly handsome.” Emma rolls her eyes at his rectification. 

 

“Come on, think about it. We know each other well enough for it not to be awkward, we both have a fear of commitment, it’s perfect.”

 

“Sure, but we live together.” 

 

“Yeah so? It’s not like we are the best of friends, we tolerate each other. And think about it, we won’t have to worry about roommates barging in or anything of that sort.” 

 

Killian sighs as he considers what she’s trying to sell him. He drinks what’s left of his beer and then gets up to get himself a refill. It is definitely a conversation needing some more alcohol. As he enters the kitchen, he walks over the cabinet where they keep the hard liquor and grabs two clean glasses and walks back to couch where Emma still awaits for his answer. 

 

He drops the glasses on the coffee table, pouring a generous amount of rum in both glasses and then takes his own. The burning sensation that makes its way down his throat is a good distraction from their topic of conversation. 

 

It’s not that he doesn’t want her. Hell, the first time he saw her he felt his jaw go slack as he was mesmerized by her beauty. Even though she does have a point, they are not close friends or friends for that matter, it’s still shaky ground to venture on. 

 

“If we do this, and I’m not saying we are, we would need some ground rules,” he warns her.

 

“Deal,” she quickly answers, and might he add, eagerly. 

 

-/-

 

She doesn’t know what possessed her to ask him that. Well, technically she didn’t ask him, he deduced it. Maybe it was the track record of awful dates that led her to that idea or the fact that the man was sex on legs tormenting her every day as he walked around the apartment completely shirtless combined with the fact that she was horny as fuck. 

 

She had meant what she said, she wasn’t looking for a boyfriend right now or ever. Killian was only the guy who happened to have a room to rent just when she couldn’t afford to pay for the apartment she used to share with her sister. The worst that could happen is that it doesn’t work and she needs to move again. 

 

The silence between them is awkward. They both don’t know how to proceed after setting the rules of this  thing  they are embarking upon. Emma finishes her drink, biting her bottom lip as she swallows the burning liquid down her throat. She raises her eyes to him and sees him do the same thing, which is quickly followed with an awkward laugh.

 

“So, how do we do this?” she tentatively asks. 

 

“Don’t tell me I need to show you how intercourse works too?” he teases her and she’s grateful he does, the laughter helping her settle her nerves.

 

“Shut up.” She hits his chest with the back of her hand. 

 

They lock their eyes once more, Killian scratching the back of his ear for the millionth time. She decides to take matter in her own hands, especially since it was her idea after all, and scoots closer to him. Their knees bump together, and it’s stupid because they are barely touching but she already feels that the air around makes it hard to breath. She gathers some courage and drops her hand on his thigh and she can now hear his shallow breathing.

 

“Maybe we can just start by kissing?” Emma proposes as she slowly leans in, the spicy and manly scent that is Killian suddenly overwhelming her senses.

 

“That would be a start,” he whispers, their lips barely touching one another.

 

They chastely press their lips together, neither knowing where to go from there. Emma feels his hand move from his thighs to cup her cheek, tilting her head softly to the side as he slightly opens his mouth to her.

 

The feel of his tongue caressing her bottom lip is what spurs her on, opening her mouth to him. From that point on things escalate quickly, Emma moving from her spot on the couch to straddle his lips, her core now aching for attention. She moans into his mouth when she feels him hard beneath her, her hips instantly pressing down to feel him rub against the seam of her jeans. He lets out low growl as she grinds her hips down, his hands firmly holding her waist. 

 

Killian breaks the kiss, their foreheads pressed together while one of his hands moves up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. The sweet gesture is too much for her to handle, it’s not what she needs. She grabs his wrists and pushes them back until they are trapped next to his head. 

 

“Bedroom?” he growls lowly at the same time that he pushes his hips up, his arousal pressing on her clit.

 

“Mine,” she moans as she leans in for a kiss, teeth nibbling his bottom lip. “Remember, no cuddling afterwards and you sleep in your own bed.”  

 

He kisses her back as an answer and then they are both up hastily making their way towards her room. Once they are in, she grabs him by the collar of his shirt and smacks her lips to his while her hands fumble with his belt. Her hand finally manages to free him from his pants, his cock jutting out while her fingers wrap around him.

 

Emma manages quite poorly to hide her expression as she feels him hard in her palm, realizing that that cocky attitude and innuendos regarding his masculinity do have a foundation. Killian notices her gestures faltering for a bit and raises his eyes to look at her. A sly smirk appears on his face and she can’t help to roll her eyes at the way he’s looking at her. Her nonverbal appreciation has clearly inflated his ego.

 

“Like what you feel?” he teases her, his accent now thicker than usual.

 

“It would like it better if I could feel it inside me,” she quips back, earning herself a groan from him as he quickly grabs her and pushes her down on the mattress. 

 

Their clothes quickly make their way to the floor while Killian crawls up to her naked body, his mouth leaving a trail of kisses on her stomach up to her throat, stopping to give a special attention to her breasts. 

 

Her back arches when he takes her nipple between his teeth, his tongue then caressing the sting while his hand travels between legs, his fingertips barely touching where she needs him most. Emma can feel the tension build deep in her abdomen, making her more and more desperate to have him inside her, filling her in the most erotic and delicious way. 

 

Not wanting to wait anymore, she grabs his head and pulls him up to her, kissing him fervently while parting her legs as she then wraps them around him, his cock now sliding through her dripping folds. They both moan at the contact of their hot needy flesh, her hips instantly undulating as she’s seeking for some more friction. Killian keeps his lips on hers as she hears the sound of foil paper being ripped, his hands then disappearing between their bodies. Suddenly, she feels the tip of his cock nudge her entrance until he’s slowly sliding inside of her, gasping when he’s stretching her in the most wonderful way.

 

They’re both still for a moment as they try to regain some control over the amazing sensations they have both just experienced. Killian leans his head back to look at her, with a look that she cannot quite decipher. 

 

“Are you about this?” His voice is unusually vulnerable, a side of him that she has never seen before. 

 

“Yeah,” she breathes out as she starts to push her hips up to show him how much she actually wants it. 

 

His eyes close shut as she starts moving, and when he opens them again she only sees a predatory glint appear in them as he starts to thrust himself in and out of her. 

 

Her nails dig into his back as he keeps the brutal pace he has set Emma tries to meet his thrusts but in the end she just lets him take her. Killian already has her on the verge of her climax, which normally would take time for any of her one time lovers to bring her there. One thing was for sure, he was skilled and he knew it. 

 

"Fuck, right there," she moans as he straightens himself, his hands gripping her hips as he changes the angle of his thrusts.

 

Emma barely manages to open her eyes to look at him as he bites his bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed. The sight of him like that, face contorted in pleasure is enough to push her over the edge. Killian is closely behind her as his movements start to get more desperate and erratic, his mouth parting in a silent cry as he spills himself inside her. 

 

He lets himself fall next to her, their chests heaving while they try to regain their breath. They stay in silence, neither knowing what the next step should be now that they have crossed this line between the relationship they have shared for the past months. 

 

Emma turns her head to look at him and he does the same. She notices that his cheeks are red and that he looks unfairly attractive. 

 

“So,” she starts saying not knowing what to say but needing to break the silence between them. 

 

“So,” he replies followed by them chuckling at the absurdity of being shy after having sex. “I guess this officially makes us roommates with benefits.”

 

“Yeah.” She doesn’t know what to say even though there are a ton of things going on in her head. 

 

For starters, it’s the best sex she’s had in months. She was expecting Killian to be all talk since from experience guys who tended to be flirtatious with everything that moved or constantly made some innuendos were actually quite average when it came to bed. But Killian, well he’s set the bar pretty high. 

 

She’s also hoping that this won’t change the semi-friendship they had going on. Even if he wasn’t close to her, which was one of the reasons she thought he was perfect for this, she doesn’t want to ruin it. She had told herself that if it didn’t work she would move, but ideally she would stay. 

 

The bed shifts the moment that Killian gets up from the bed and walks towards the bathroom to get himself cleaned up. Emma can’t stop looking at his bare ass, the only thing that she wants  is to have a bite. 

 

While Killian is in the bathroom, she takes the opportunity to get up and get a pair of panties from her dresser and a tank top and settle herself back in her bed. He gets out seconds later, his boxer briefs hanging low on his hips as he walks back next to her bed and bends down to grab his clothes. He keeps the pile of fabric in one arm, the other too busy being raised so that he can scratch the back of his ear. 

 

“This was fun. I...well, goodnight then.” Emma smiles at his awkwardness, if you would have asked her, she would have never thought about Killian Jones being the bashful kind. 

 

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.” 

  
He walks out of her room, carefully closing the door behind him. Emma grabs her phone and fixes her alarm before plugging it to her charger on her nightstand and letting herself lie back on her bed. She hopes that this shyness fades quickly, wanting the shameless flirt to come back. If he’s like that in the morning, Emma has an idea on how to make him break. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still floored by the response this fic has had so far! You guys are wonderful and thank you so much for the reviews and kudos! I hope you guys will like this chapter, next one should probably be up this weekend!
> 
> Thanks again to phiralovesloki for beta'ing this chapter.

Killian has trouble falling asleep. He keeps rethinking how he ended up here and he still can’t believe it. The evening started out as usual, Emma coming back home, them talking whilst sharing a drink and it ended with them making a pact followed by the best sex he had in the past years. 

 

He still doesn’t know what pushed him to agree to this nonsense. A part of him told him it was crazy and that it would end up badly, but another was horny and really did want to sleep with Emma. He will never admit it to her, but she does sometimes play a role in his dreams, especially after a night when she’s been on a date or trying to seduce a perp as she wore a short fitted dress. 

 

He buries his hands in his hair as he exhales loudly. He doesn’t know what possessed him to be awkward with her right after, it wasn’t him. He normally is quite cocky, using his usual innuendos to keep that distance with the girls he slept with. But with Emma, he’s more concerned about crossing any of her boundaries and well, they did set up some rules so it makes the thing a tad different. He really needs to get his shit together before morning. 

 

The next morning he wakes up and puts on a white T-shirt and his flannel pants before heading out for the kitchen. He enters the kitchen and makes his way to the coffee machine so he can make a fresh pot. Once the coffee starts to brew, Killian starts on taking out the ingredients he needs to make some pancakes. 

 

He has just cracked the eggs open and into the bowl when he hears Emma’s bedroom door open. He can hear her feet padding through the apartment until she appears in the kitchen, his jaw going slack when his eyes set on her. She has officially decided to torment him as she walks around the room in nothing but her panties and a white tank top which is quite see through. 

 

“Good morning.” She greets him with a broad smile before making her way to the fridge. He’s convinced that she exaggerates her movements when she bends down to grab some fruit at the bottom, exposing her backside to him where her panties are doing a poor job of covering her up.

 

She then turn around to stand next to him as she drop the raspberries on the kitchen island. He turn his head to look at her, still trying to figure out what she’s trying to do. He notice how see through her shirt is when he catches sight of her pink nipples, already erect from what he supposes is the work of the cold air. Killian blink his eyes a few times as he tries to hide the obvious bulge stretching his pants.

 

“What are you playing at Swan?” he bluntly ask. There is no need to tiptoe around the situation especially after how the previous evening had turned out.

 

“What makes you think I’m playing at something?” she asks quite innocently as she then pops a raspberry in her mouth with coy smile. 

 

“Well let’s say you never walk around the apartment nearly naked.”

 

Emma turns around, the front of her body now pressed to his side. Her hand slowly starts to caress the skin of his forearm her eyes shining with mischief.

 

"Well, I thought that now we had a relationship with a few more benefits I could do the same concerning my attire around the apartment." Killian groans lowly when he feels her press herself on him, one hand caressing his erection through the fabric. 

 

"Is that so?"

 

"Yeah," she breathes out and that is all it takes for him to snap.

 

He grips her hips and turns her around so she’s facing the counter. He presses himself behind her, pushing his hips on her ass as she instantly responds, pushing hers back.

 

He buries his nose in her hair while one of his hands moves from her hip to squeeze one of her breasts under her tank top. His mouth barely touches her neck as it makes its way to her ear, his lips sucking on her earlobe.

 

"Is this what you want?" he growls, feeling Emma squirm beneath him.

 

"Not quite," she moans while her head falls back on his shoulder, exposing her neck to him.

 

"Then tell me what you need." His teeth sink into the flesh between her neck and shoulder making her push her backside into him.

 

"I want to feel your mouth everywhere on me," she manages to breathe out.

 

"As you wish." 

 

He presses open mouth kisses along her shoulder, pausing only for a moment to take off her top and before resuming his task. He kneels behind her, his hands caressing her inner thigh as he nips at the flesh of her barely covered cheeks. Emma whimpers when his fingers graze the furnace that is between her legs. 

 

He finally cups her sex, the action making her jolt in place. When he releases her, his hands grip her hips and gives her a nudge so she’ll turn around to face him. Killian doesn’t waste time, quickly getting rid of the tiny pair of panties she’s wearing, while Emma leans back on the counter, her hands splaying on it to give her some balance. He raises one of her legs and drops it over his shoulder. 

 

“Fuck Emma, you’re dripping wet.” His fingers trace the length of her slit as he feels Emma shudder beneath him. 

 

“Killian,” she whimpers as she rolls her hips on his fingers wanting more. 

 

He darts out his tongue and licks the length of her heat as he then sucks on her clit. Emma lets out a loud moan as he does so, only spurring him on as he keeps lapping at her. He would be lying if he says he hasn’t thought about her this way, completely at his mercy as he feasts on her, but reality is definitely better than any fantasy. 

 

When he inserts two fingers inside of her, she grabs a fistful of his hair as she keeps rocking her hips on his face. Killian hums when he feels her walls flutter around his fingers, as he then curves them in a way he knows will make her fall apart, his thumb drawing circles on her bundle of nerves. She falls apart not long after as she lets out a loud cry. 

 

He keeps his eyes on her, and he feels himself about to burst when he sees her chest glistening with sweat. She looks down to him, eyes hazy and a sly smirk on her lips. Killian raises himself while Emma climbs down off the counter while one hand quickly goes to cup him through his pyjama bottoms. The feel of her hands squeezing him is enough to relieve himself of some of the friction he was desperately seeking. 

 

“Emma,” he breathes out when she releases him and turns him around so they switch places. She falls down on her knees while she pulls down his pants, his cock jutting out of them. 

 

“It’s your turn now,” she simply says as she looks up at him.

 

He sees her lick her lips as she looks at his hard length pressed on his abs. Her small hand curls around him, pumping him slowly as she darts out her tongue to lick the underside of his shaft. Killian almost feels like losing control right at that moment, but braces himself on the counter to resist the urge to grab her hair and fuck her mouth. 

 

He lets out a shaky sigh when her tongue swirls around the head before taking him in her mouth. She keeps a hand curled at his base, slowly stroking him while her tongue massages his aching cock as she occasionally hollows her cheeks to add some pressure. 

 

Killian lets out a few curses as he groans, his release fast approaching. His fingers push a few strands of hair back so he can look at Emma. She raises her eyes to look at him, the lustful look she gives him so arousing that it’s the last thing he needs to stumble over.

 

Emma keeps him in her mouth, sucking lightly as she makes sure to not leave any trace of his seed. Killian is still trying to regain his breath when she gets up to get herself dressed. He pulls his pyjama pants up and goes to wash his hands while she just walks back to her room as if nothing happened.

 

Confused, Killian resumes his task of making himself breakfast. Well, if that's how she wants to play it ...

 

-/-

 

“You did what?” Her sister’s voice echoes across the room while Emma winces at her words. It was to be expected. 

 

“Can you keep your voice down?” she tells Mary Margaret as she looks around to see a few patrons of the coffee house looking at them.

 

Her sister scoots closer and leans in while Emma prepares herself for the speech she is going to give her. 

 

“I can’t believe you decided to make such a deal with your roommate. You know it’s going to end up badly.” 

 

“Why?”

 

“Because deals like these always do. One of you is going to develop feelings for the other and the other will not, and the thing will end up with a person with their heart broken.”

 

“Why are so pessimistic all of a sudden? That’s my role.”

 

“Well I wouldn't be if I thought there was a possibility of you two falling in love in this situation but knowing my little sister, she’ll probably push him off even if she does develop feelings.” Emma scoffs at Mary Margaret’s comment.

 

She doesn’t know what possessed her to tell her sister about the pact she and Killian made. It isn’t that Mary Margaret doesn’t have faith in her, if one thing's for sure, her big sister has  too much  faith in everyone. 

 

“Look, that’s not going to happen. Killian and I are well aware of this thing between us, we actually put down some rules to make sure this thing doesn’t get ugly.” Mary Margaret looks at her skeptically as she leans back in her seat, her arms now crossed in front of her chest.

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like, no cuddling, no sweet talk, no sleeping in the other’s bed, no romantic or sweet gestures. We can still go on dates with other people, and bring them home.” Emma noticed her sister shake her head in disbelief.

 

“I’m telling you, it’s going to get ugly.”

 

“It will not,” Emma insists, annoyed by the fact that Mary Margaret doesn’t believe her. 

“I’m telling you, besides the fact that Killian is indeed good looking and good in bed, I have zero interest in him. He’s smug, arrogant, annoying and a shameless flirt.”

 

“And yet you still live with him?”

 

“Well, the room is cheap and his apartment well located, is that my fault?”

 

“Emma, look I don’t want to judge what you’re doing.” She interrupts her sister by letting out a loud scoff which makes her pause for a second. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. Promise me you’ll get out of that pact before either one of you gets hurt?” Mary Margaret is now holding her hand while she looks at her with her brows furrowed. 

 

“I promise,” she sighs.

 

Emma knows she is just looking after her, like any sibling would do. And she hates to admit it, but this thing between them could turn out ugly and she has to make sure that it will not happen.

 

She takes a sip of her cocoa, licking the foam out of her lips before changing the subject. 

 

“How are things with David?” Emma casually asks when she notices that her sister doesn’t have that disgustingly happy glow whenever her beau is mentioned, which instantly tells her something was wrong. 

 

“What’s wrong?” She squeezes her hand reassuringly, as her silence only worries her even more.

 

“It’s probably nothing, but David has been acting distant lately. Whenever I ask him if he’s okay he quickly answers that he’s fine. I thought that maybe it was something going on at work so I asked Robin about it and he told me that he’s peachy as usual. There’s something he’s not telling me.”

 

Mary Margaret tries not to show how much it affects her but fails to when tears roll down her cheeks. Emma wraps her arms around her to comfort her like she had done for her so many times now. 

 

“I’m sure it’s fine. Look it’s David, you know how he is, he cannot stand to keep things from you for too long. He’ll come around.” 

 

She hugs her sister one more time before disentangling themselves from their embrace. They end up sipping the rest of their cocoa as they change the topic to something more enjoyable.

 

Emma leaves the coffee house and walks towards her place wondering what she can possibly do on her last free night before starting the week again. Killian comes to mind and she wonders if he's home already, and if he'll be up to pursue what they started that morning. She blushes as she thinks on how already addicted she is to his touch. 

 

Unfortunately, the apartment is dark and empty when she arrives. She tries to ignore the pang of disappointment that settles deep in her abdomen. Not wanting to dwell too much on those unwanted feelings that suddenly emerge, she curses her sister's words and grabs the phone as she orders for some take out. 

 

She ends up eating some Chinese as she binge watches on a new TV series. She falls asleep on the couch and only notices it when she wakes up all of sudden on the couch, the Netflix menu asking her if she wants to continue watching the show. She sits on the edge of the couch and grabs her phone and sees that it's already 4am.

 

Emma shuts off the TV and walks to her room making a stop in front of Killian's room. The door is open and the room is dark, showing no signs of him. 

 

Her chest tightens and she doesn't understand why it does. She slumps on her bed, her eyes fixed on the ceiling as she reasons the tightness of her chest as a disappointment. 

  
Disappointment that she didn't have the occasion to ravish him. She falls asleep as she keeps telling herself that she doesn't care for him or what he does in his free time, the only thing she craves is his body. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, here’s another update, time to find out where Killian was that night! Just giving a heads up, I’ll be quite busy this week and I don’t know if I’ll be able to post another chapter before next week. I’ll try my best to update as quickly as I can (and also update my other stories).
> 
> Thanks to the wonderful phiralovesloki for beta’ing this chapter <333

He tries to keep his mind off her, but it proves difficult when the only image he has in mind is her on her knees in the middle of the kitchen, giving him one of the most amazing blow jobs he has ever gotten. He still can't believe that all of this is happening, and in a way, he can't wait to get back to his apartment and see what other filthy things they could do together. 

 

Killian takes a swig of his beer as he tries to push those thoughts aside and focus on the tales of his brother and wife's latest vacation. 

 

"Killian, are you listening?" Liam asks as he waves his hand in front of his eyes. 

 

"Uh, sorry. I was just thinking about something." Well,  someone to be more accurate. 

 

"I was asking if you wanted some coffee?" Elsa repeats while his brother gives him a worried look. 

 

"Sure, that'll be lovely." He gives his sister-in-law a smile and grabs the glass of water in front of him. He takes a sip, anything to push back the inevitable discussion that now awaits him.

 

"Are you going to tell me what's got you so distracted?”

 

“It’s nothing,” Killian says, really not wanting to talk about what he just got himself into. He knows that Liam will give him his thoughts on the situation and he’s pretty convinced he won’t like it. 

 

“Nothing? Do you really think I believe you? I know that look. That look means you’re thinking about someone.” 

 

“Later,” he answers simply as he looks at Elsa returning to the room with coffee mugs. 

 

They eat some pie as they sip their coffee, Killian paying a tad more attention to the discussion as he asks them a few questions about their trip to Iceland. An hour later, Elsa yawns as she excuse herself from the table and gives a goodnight kiss to Liam and a quick peck on Killian’s cheek.

 

“Goodnight boys and stay out of trouble,” she shouts as she climbs the stairs. 

 

Liam gets up and taps Killian on the back as he tells him to follow him. His brother grabs a bottle of rum out of the cabinet and takes two glasses at the same time. They end up sitting in the soft lit patio as Liam pours them a good amount of their favorite rum.  They stay in silence for a moment, both enjoying the soft breeze and the taste of the spicy liquor leaving a burning trail down their throats.

 

“Who is she?”

 

Killian sighs at the question, not knowing how to explain Emma Swan to his brother. He takes another sip of his rum, needing the extra time to figure out how to explain what Emma is to him. “My roommate.”

 

Liam lets out a chuckle as he shakes his head before he turns his head around to look at him. “You have a thing for your roommate? The badass blond girl?” 

 

“I don’t have a thing for her,” he grits through his teeth. “We have an arrangement of sorts.”

 

“Don’t tell me you two are shag buddies.” 

 

“Something wrong with that?”

 

“No, but let’s face it, little brother, you are not the type of man to casually be with a woman. You’re the hopeless romantic kind of man,” Liam points out as he takes another sip of his spicy rum.

 

"That's not true, I do indulge myself in the occasional one night stand," he replies in an indignant tone.

 

"That's since Milah. Before that you couldn't think of being anything but committed." At the sound of  her name, he feels himself tense, reminded of the heartbreak that followed. “I know that deep down that you’re still the same Killian.”

 

Killian hums at his brother’s comment. It’s true, he once was the hopeless romantic and deep down he knows he still is. But he can’t bring himself to let that part of him out again, afraid of what opening himself again could entail. He doesn’t share his fear with his big brother since he knows already what he will tell him, that he’s missing out on something wonderful and that being a coward isn’t how they were raised. Because it is true, he is being a coward by fleeing any possible emotional commitment, and up until now, he has not met a woman worthy enough for him to give his heart out. 

 

“Look little brother, the only thing I’m asking is that you don’t prevent yourself from being happy with someone. If you find that girl, fight for her.” Liam’s hand was on his shoulder as he squeezed it.    
  


Killian nods his head as he tells his brother that he will. 

 

The rest of the evening goes by in a blur, as he and his brother decide to drink more than half of the bottle of rum as they start talking about trivial things and ending the evening in a drunken discussion about who knows what. Killian ends up sleeping in the guest room since he is clearly not fit to drive back home. 

 

The next morning he wakes up with a massive headache and his mouth particularly dry. He gets up from the bed, the sheets still well tucked in the mattress. He realizes he fell asleep fully dressed on top of the comforter. 

 

He winces when he sits at the edge of the bed, his head throbbing with pain as he reaches out for his phone that somehow managed to land on the nightstand. He looks at the time and is quite shocked when he realize that it’s earlier than he thought. He manages to get up and walk towards the adjacent bathroom to try and freshen himself up. 

 

When he leaves the room, he can smell fresh coffee being made and hears the sizzling sound of bacon being cooked on the frying pan. Killian enters the kitchen as Elsa turns around to look at him.

 

“You guys had a lot to drink last night?” she asks him with a smirk, knowing very well the answer to that question. If he’s hungover this morning, Liam definitely went to bed in a similar or worse state and probably woke up his wife in the process.

 

“Pretty much,” he yawns as he makes his way to a cabinet to grab a glass and then filling it with water. As he turns around to face his sister-in-law, she hands him some aspirin which he takes eagerly.

 

He sits down on a stool while Elsa gives him a plate with eggs, bacon and some slices of bread while Killian thanks her. She sits in front of him as they both start working on their breakfast. 

 

“Do you two have plans for your last week of vacation?” he asks between bites.

 

“Not really. Mainly unpacking and relaxing before the bitter return to reality.” 

 

“Well, even though you guys would have loved to keep travelling, I’m happy to have you back.” Killian smiles at her as she gives him an overwhelmed smile. 

 

Killian really does miss them when they’re abroad, especially since Liam is the only family he has left. He loves his brother so much and is more than happy that he has found his own happy ending with Elsa. She loves his brother like he deserves to be loved and she she treats him as if he is one of her siblings. He sometimes envies the life they have built together, but he then tells himself that he doesn’t know how to get himself that kind of life with someone else. 

 

When he finishes his breakfast, he helps Elsa with the dishes and thanks her once more for welcoming him for supper the night before and for letting him crash in their guest room. He doesn’t get the chance to say bye to his brother since he’s still sleeping off the alcohol in his own bed, but tells Elsa to say bye to Liam for him.

 

He arrives home early in the afternoon, the apartment empty. Killian then remembers that it’s Monday and that Emma must have already left for work. He decides to head to the bathroom and take a shower to help him regain some of his senses. The bathroom smells of her, the fruity scent of her shampoo still clinging in the air and he catches himself inhaling deeply. As he steps under the tepid water, he wonders if he’ll ever convince her to join him in here at some point. 

 

Just the image of her with him, bare and wet, is enough to get him aroused. He lets the water roll down his back as he puts one of his hand on the ceramic wall of the shower, the other gripping his erection as he lazily strokes himself. It’s ridiculous in a sense that he needs to relieve himself when he can have Emma whenever he wants now, but the thought of her with him in the shower is too tempting for him to do nothing about it. 

 

After he reaches his climax, he resumes the task of cleaning himself and steps out of the shower feeling relaxed and invigorated. He steps out of the bathroom and heads to his room to grab himself some clean clothes and settles himself in front of the television. Before he knows it, he falls asleep on the couch, his body still exhausted from the excess of alcohol.

 

-/-

 

The day has been horribly long and the only thing Emma seeks is a long hot bath and then her bed. When she enters the apartment, she hears the faint sound of the television as it tells her that Killian finally came back home. She kicks her boots off, more than happy to feel her feet free from their confinement and walks towards the couch let herself fall on it next to Killian as she greets him. 

 

His voice is hoarse (and she hates to admit that it makes him sound sexy) and looks at her with a sleepy eyes which tells her that he might have woken up from a nap not too long ago. She can’t help herself but wonder where he went the night before and bites her tongue so she can keep her mouth shut. It’s none of her business and he can do whatever he wants. 

 

Emma looks at the TV as she takes one of her foot in her hands as she tries to get rid of the kinks that are lodged in her foot. She winces when she finds a particularly sore spot which catches Killian’s attention.

 

“Want me to rub your feet for you?” he asks innocently, genuinely wanting to help her get rid of the pain. 

 

She’s tempted to say yes but a part of her tells her it’s not a good idea. The thought of her feet on his lap as he gives her a massage is such a domestic image for her that it scares her. 

 

“No, it’s okay,” she answers as she shakes her head. Killian raises one of his eyebrows at her questioningly. 

 

“Are you sure? I’ve been told I’m very good with my hands,” he tells her with a smirk and she can’t help but roll her eyes at his comment. 

 

“You don’t need me to inflate that ego of yours even more. And anyways, it goes against the rules,” she states.

 

“We never came up with a rule that forbids us to give each other massages, and in my experience it could lead to very pleasurable activities.” He winks at her and in a way she’s quite grateful that he’s being a shameless flirt, it’s easier that way.

 

“There’s lots of things that can lead to those activities you’re referring to. As for massages, it’s too domestic for me and sweet, and that is one of the rules, no sweet gestures,” Emma firmly tells him as he responds with a raise of his eyebrows.

 

“As you wish, but let me tell you that you are missing out on the best foot massage you ever experienced in your whole life.” She hums at his responses as a small teasing smile makes its way to her lips. 

 

“So where were you last night?” she suddenly blurts out and she curses herself internally for asking him that question, now sounding like a jealous girlfriend, which she was not. 

 

“Jealous are we?” He smiles at her and she wishes he didn’t look too enthusiastic at the idea of her being jealous. “Already can’t keep your hands off me and want to keep me all for yourself?” he teases as the back of her hand instantly hits him on the chest. 

 

“In your dreams. I was only asking because you usually don’t stay out that late.”

 

“Well if you really want to know I went to visit my brother who came back from his vacation with his lovely wife, and we may have indulged in too many glasses of rum.” Emma feels a wave of relief course through her and she kind of hates herself for feeling that way.

 

“I didn’t know you had a brother.” 

 

“Aye, he’s a few years older than me,” he nods slowly as he looks at his fingers that are fumbling with a loose thread of the blanket they use on the couch. 

 

“Do you have more family here?” she tentatively asks even though she has a feeling he doesn’t. 

 

“No, he’s all the family I have now. Well, with Elsa,” he quickly adds.

 

“Who’s Elsa?”

 

“She’s Liam’s wife. They met a few years back in cruise where he was Captain and she was a passenger on board, travelling with her sister and her fiancé. They tell me it was love at first sight and they have been together ever since. They actually got married a few months back. Their vacation was actually their honeymoon.” Emma notices how he smiles, clearly very proud of his brother and senses from the way he talks about him that he looks up a lot to him, wanting to make him proud.

 

“He knows about our deal. Kept telling me last night that it would turn ugly.” At that, Emma lets out a laugh, Killian turns his head to see her with a confused look.

 

“Sorry, it’s just that I went to grab a coffee with my sister yesterday afternoon and she told me same thing.” Killian chuckles at that.

 

“Our siblings seems to have so much faith in us, don’t they?” Emma nods as their laughs die down a bit. 

 

"So you have a sister? I didn’t know that." 

 

"I guess there's a lot we don't know about each other." She knows she just avoided his question, probably hoping that she'd tell him more about herself like he just did, but she can't bring herself to. It would change things between them and she doesn't want that. The distance they have between them, not knowing too much about each other, is what she likes about their relationship. No judgements.

 

"Do you think they are right? Our siblings?" she quickly adds when he looks at her clearly not understanding her question. 

 

"They might, but as far as I am concerned it's none of their business. It's what we think that's more important. Do you think this will end badly?" Killian asks her, his face serious.

 

"No," she answers in the same serious tone as Killian, even though deep down she just  hopes it won't end badly. She shoves those worries aside as she asks him the same question and he answers the same.

 

"Good. In that case," she starts as she straightens herself from her seat and straddles his hips, "I know of another way for you to help me unwind of this long and hard day." She  presses her core on his.

 

Killian growls lowly as his hands grips her waist. They lock their hungry gaze on one another as he pushes his hips up making Emma yelp when she feels his erection against her. 

 

"Bedroom?" he asks. She shakes her head as she grabs the hem of her shirt and then pulls it up. She sees his eyes look down at her breast, as he licks his lips.

 

“I like it here better,” she says, smirking at him while her fingers grab the hem of his shirt and pull it up.

 

The next couple of minutes are a blur as they tear clothes off each other, their lips demanding and their hands wandering over their bodies. They disentangle themselves long enough for Emma to grab a condom before she quickly returns to his lap. She teases him as she sways her hips above him, her soaked core gliding along his length. The hands on her hips squeeze her flesh tighter when the tip of his cock slowly enters her. 

 

Emma teases him a bit more, not fully giving him what he wants, and she can see that he’s battling with himself to not snap and just take her. She notices how he bites his lips and how his breathing is now shallow, his jaw clenching whenever she gives him just a tiny bit of what he wants before taking it back. 

 

“Do you want me?” she breaths out as she leans in to bite at his earlobe. She hears Killian exhale as he whimpers out a  ‘yes.’

 

“Then take me.” It was as if Killian has only been waiting for her to give him the green light because from that moment on, Emma loses all control of the situation. But she loves it. 

 

Killian grabs her waist and pulls her up until she is standing on her feet and abruptly turns her around. He gets up, and presses his body behind her as he bites the skin at the bottom of her neck while his hands grip her breasts. His fingers pinch her pink nipples and didn’t stop until she is writhing in front of him, as she pushes her backside on his straining cock. 

 

He suddenly grips her waist with one hand while the other goes flat on her lower back and she quickly gets the hint to lean forward. Her hands fall on the coffee table for support while she feels the head of his cock nudge her entrance. 

 

Emma gasps when she feels him stretch her, the new position making him so much bigger. They both take a moment to breathe and Killian then slowly starts to thrust his hips until he reaches a maddening pace that leaves Emma moaning in pleasure. 

 

“Fuck, don’t stop. Right there,” she yelps when he hits that perfect spot and she can feel herself reaching her climax. His hand makes its way down her front, just above where they are joined as he rubs her bundle of nerves. It only takes a few seconds for her to have her vision blinded by a sheer white light as her toes curl.

 

Killian follows her not long after, his hips moving erratically as he lets himself succumb to his own release. His hand caresses her back as he guides her to the couch for her to relax. 

 

After a moment, she turns her head to look at him and she is overcome with the need to lay her head on his chest, for her fingers to absently play with the trail of hair that lays there. Emma shakes her head the moment those thoughts make their way through, knowing that those are the ones that could lead her to trouble. 

 

"I'm going to bed," she hastily blurts out as she grabs her clothes and heads for her room, not waiting for him to answer her. As she walks down the hallway she hears a faint “Goodnight” come from the living room. She closes her door, her clothes still in her hand as she lets her head fall back on it. 

  
She's going to need to find a way to stop those kind of thoughts from surging into her head. Otherwise she feels that her sister may be right and then this may turn out ugly. Even though that deep down, she already knows that she may be in trouble.


	4. Chapter 4

After a few weeks of their new arrangement, both of them have entered a game of which one of them can outdo the other when it came to locations to have sex. There are days when he doesn’t even get a chance to step inside the apartment and take his jacket off that he is suddenly shoved against the nearest wall, while Emma’s lips are on him, her hands trying to get rid of his clothes. He doesn’t mind those types of welcome, not at all, especially since he likes to greet her the same way. It’s quickly spiraled down into a game of who can surprise the other in the most erotic way, a game where they both come out winners. 

 

Their friendship luckily doesn’t change that much with their recent sexual activities, which is good especially when they don’t want it to change despite their benefits. They spend their evenings as they always have, drinking a few beers and watching TV shows or movies. He occasionally makes supper for her when she comes back after a long day chasing perps, but he always manages to make it look as if he hasn’t prepare the food for her, but that she just happens to be getting home in time to share the meal he’s making for himself. Killian knows that Emma might freak out if he tells her that he made something just for her, telling him that it’s not part of their deal,  no sweet gestures . He doesn’t consider it an affectionate gesture, just him being a decent roommate. 

 

Killian is in the kitchen when he hears the door unlock followed by the sound of heavy footsteps walking down the entrance hallway. 

 

“Making grilled cheese, want some?” he yells from his spot as he takes what he needs out of the fridge. 

 

“Do you even have to ask? When it’s grilled cheese the answer is always yes,” she yells back. Her voice is a bit more distant.  She’s probably going back to her room to shed her work clothes and jump into something more comfortable.

 

Two minutes later, Emma enters the kitchen wearing her sweatpants and a loose T-shirt. Her hair is now sitting on top of her head in a loose bun, a few strands of hair falling down from it, and Killian restrains himself from pushing back her blonde locks. Emma grabs two beers out of the fridge, hands him one and keeps the other for herself as she walks over the kitchen aisle and sits on one of the stools. 

 

“Long day?” he asks her as he looks at her from the corner of his eye as he flips the cheese sandwich.

 

Emma’s head is hidden between her crossed arms on the counter, and grunts at Killian’s question.

 

“That awful?” he asks as he puts her grilled cheese on a plate, cutting the bread in two triangles before sliding the plate towards her. The sound of the ceramic plate scratching the counter makes her head lift. 

 

“Yes, and no, I don’t want to talk about it.” Killian’s hands are up in surrender as he turns back to the stove to get his own food.

 

“As the lady wishes,” he responds, to which she only grumbles a ‘ shut up.’

 

“TV?” he proposes as he grabs his plate in one hand and his beer in the other, tilting his head towards the living room. Emma’s mouth is full of grilled cheese, and she just lazily nods her head as she follows him to the couch. 

 

They eat in silence as they watch whatever is on, Killian sensing that she needs her space. When Emma is done eating, she deposits her plate on the coffee table and leans back on the couch, clutching her stomach as she winces. 

 

“Are you alright?” 

 

“Yeah, it’s just cramps.” Killian eyebrows furrow in concern to which Emma quickly tries to ease his worries when she notices the look on his face. “My period, you idiot.” 

 

“Oh,” he replies simply, really not knowing what to say or do. 

 

Emma eyes drift back to the TV, an occasional grimace spreading on her face. They stay in silence for most of the evening, and without even noticing it, Killian realises that Emma was now sitting a tad closer to him. Eventually, her eyes close and she leans over him. Her breathing is already deep and shallow as soon as her head touches his lap, and it’s impossible for him to keep his hands to himself, his fingers caressing her forehead and pushing back a few strands of hair.

 

In that moment, that’s when it hits him: just how beautiful Emma is even after a long day. He always thought she was gorgeous, but it was as if he just noticed something different, something more to her, as if suddenly someone turned on the light on her, putting her in the spotlight and showing him how wonderful Emma Swan is. 

 

He curses himself as he realises that he may have just fucked up their pact, as it dawns on him that he may have feelings for her, big ones that involves three little words that are guaranteed the scare the shit out of her. Killian knew that he had feelings for her when this arrangement between them began, but he had thought much of them, figuring that maybe if his physical needs were sated, the rest would go away, take the need out of his system. It clearly hasn’t.

 

He lets out a sigh as he watches her sleep peacefully on his lap. He deftly manages to get up from his spot without waking her, depositing her head on the couch pillow. He would have loved to take her in his arms and take her to her bed, but he knows how she’ll react the next morning. She’ll be mad at him and recite him their rules all over again. And he also knows that if he brings her to her bed, he won’t be able to resist and lie down beside her and wrap his arms around her. 

 

He crouches in front of the couch, unable to stop caressing her soft yellow locks. He gives her a soft peck on the forehead, the touch making her move slightly in her sleep. 

Killian goes to bed as he wonders what to do now. He knows that he needs to do something, either tell her how he feels (which he already has an inkling on how that would go) or stop whatever is going on between them before he hurts himself too badly. He falls asleep as he ponders over his dilemma, still not knowing what to do. 

 

-/-

 

Emma wakes up with a start, and quickly notices that she isn’t in her bed. Panic suddenly flows over as she wonders if she fell asleep in Killian’s bed, which was something they had said no to. She sits up, and lets out a sigh of relief when she sees that she’s actually in the living room. She rubs her eyes to help her wake up and gets up so she can go freshen up in the bathroom. As she walks towards the bathroom, she hears Killian in the kitchen, probably making himself breakfast. 

 

She stops for a second and greets him as she asks him if he can make her some coffee to which Killian nods. Emma heads to the bathroom to clean herself and makes a stop in her room so she can change clothes before going to the kitchen. She thanks Killian for the coffee and enjoys the first sip of her warm drink. 

 

Just as she sits on one of the stools, Killian bids her goodbye and leaves for work without so much of a glance towards her. Emma’s eyebrows furrows as she asks herself if she said or did something for him to be so distant with her all of a sudden. She really doesn’t remember saying or doing anything to offend him and tries to forget about their morning incident throughout her day and almost manages to do so. 

 

The week goes by and Killian still acts the same way, when he’s even home. He seems to be busier than usual and Emma tries her best not to take it personally. But it’s hard to do when she realises how much place he had taken in her daily routine. She wants to talk to him, ask him what’s wrong, if she did something to offend him or if he was just having a tough week at work. 

 

Emma finds him in the living room with a book in his hands, and she sees it as an opportunity to ask him if he’s okay. She takes a deep breath before joining him on the couch as he lifts his head only to watch her sit down and then look back to his book. Her eyes stay fixed on him and she knows she’s staring but she doesn’t know how to ask why he's been distant and suddenly she feels like a worried girlfriend. She wants to leave and forget about the fact that she wants to ask him why he's been acting this way lately but it's too late. Killian catches her staring at him and deposits his book on his lap and looks back at her. 

 

"Are you okay, Swan?" She looks at him as her mouth opens and closes as she tries to find a way to get out of the situation she put herself in.

 

Her phones starts ringing and her eyes quickly darts down to her hands where she can see on the caller ID that her sister is calling her. She silently thanks Mary Margaret for interrupting her in this very moment. Emma smiles awkwardly at Killian as she gets up and answers the call. 

 

"Hey sis!" she greets Mary Margaret a bit too enthusiastically.

 

"Um, are you okay Emma?" She closes her eyes as she inwardly curses herself for letting her nerves get the best of her.

 

“Yeah. So what’s up?” Emma asks as she walks out of the room. 

 

“I was wondering if you wanting to go out for drinks tonight?” Her eyebrows furrow at her sister’s invitation. It’s very unlike her to go out for a drink on whim especially during the week. If Mary Margaret feels like going out in such a short notice, Ema knows that it must be important, either good or bad, and she can’t say no. 

 

That’s how she ends up at the local pub with a beer in hand while she waits on her sister. She doesn’t know if she should be grateful that Mary Margaret interrupted whatever she was going to say to Killian. She had wanted to talk to him, she really had, but the moment he looked at her she felt as if all of original worries and thoughts vanished from her brain. She’d kept thinking as she stood frozen under his gaze that she was making too much of a deal about Killian being more distant than usual, that talking about  it would make her look like a worried girlfriend, which she is definitely not (that’s what she keeps telling herself). 

 

Emma takes another sip of her beer as Mary Margaret finally shows up with huge grin on her face, which is a good change from the last few times she saw her. They greet each other with their usual hug and Mary Margaret sits next to her. 

 

“How are you?” she asks with way too much enthusiasm for such a dull and courtesy question. 

 

“I’m doing fine, but clearly not as much as you. Care to tell me what’s got you smiling that much?” Her sister suddenly pretends not to know what she’s talking about to which she answers with a ‘ stop bullshitting me’ look.

 

“Ugh, fine,” she sighs as she then sits a bit more straighter on her chair. “I wanted to tell you after a drink or two but what the hell.” She smiles broadly at Emma and she can tell that her sister clearly is excited with the news she’s about to announce. “I’m getting married!” she shrieks, unable to contain her joy.

 

Emma’s eyes widen as her mouth drops open, a bit shocked by her big sister’s news. 

 

“How...what...that’s great! But how? I mean I thought things with David were a bit rocky lately?”

 

“I know, I was surprised too when he popped the question last night. The thing is, he was nervous that I would find out his plans of asking me to marry him, so he was trying so hard to appear distant about the subject and just normal. But you know David, acting isn’t his strong suit.” Mary Margaret and Emma both laugh knowing that David was a terrible liar (just like her sister) and actor. 

 

“Wow,” Emma finally says as she looks up at her sister’s expectant look. 

 

“I also wanted to ask you if you wanted to be my maid of honor. I know you aren’t that into weddings and all that lovey-dovey stuff but I want my sister and best friend next to me.”

 

Emma smiles at her sister as she grabs her hands in hers, eyes getting teary. “Of course I will, you know I’ll do anything for you.” 

 

They hug each other as tears finally rolls down both their cheeks, and they can hear the other sniffle as they lean back. 

 

“Well then, let’s celebrate!” cheers Emma. 

 

Emma spends most of the evening listening to her sister talk about the upcoming wedding, ideas of themes she would love to have (fairytales being the recurrent one), original ideas for the reception, what she is willing to spend on a dress, what color the bridesmaid dresses should be and so on. She mostly listens to Mary Margaret talk, knowing it’s her moment and a pretty big one. When her sister asks her how things are going with Killian, she almost chokes on her beer. She wasn’t expecting their conversation to reach the subject of her roommate.

 

“Um, it’s going okay,” she manages to say, her voice a bit hoarse due to her choking. 

 

“You sure about that?” Mary Margaret doesn’t seem to believe her, and the worst is that she doesn’t even believe it herself. This past week has only managed to confuse her. 

 

“Yeah. I mean we are both quite busy lately so we haven’t had the occasion to be as intimate as we normally are, but if you’re wondering if this thing is still working, it is.” Her sister looks at her with a disbelieving look, and she can’t blame her. She only hopes that she isn’t going to push the matter any further. 

 

“Is he going to be your plus one at the wedding?” 

 

“Maybe, I mean I just found out you’re getting married! Who knows, maybe I’ll meet a guy that I actually want to date and bring him along.” Emma’s being defensive and she knows it and she hates the way Mary Margaret is looking at her, a look that tells her that she doesn’t believe what she’s saying. 

 

“We both know that’s not true. Even if you do find a guy you actually like, you are never going to bring him to an important event where he might meet your family, that’s just who you are and that’s okay. Knowing you, you’ll bring Killian because he’s safe, he isn’t someone important to you, he’s dispensable.” She wants to tell her sister that it’s not true, that Killian is someone important, that he’s her friend. But she decides it’s better not to say anything, sensing that Mary Margaret is trying to bait her to get her to reveal her feelings for Killian (which she has none apart from friendship).  

 

“Or maybe I won’t bring anyone and find myself someone to share the evening with at the wedding,” she says, hoping to end the matter of her roommate. Her sister lets out an exasperated sigh at her comment, and both decide to order a last round of drinks before calling it a night. 

 

Emma walks back home a tad tipsy, unable to stop thinking about the night’s discussions. The apartment is pitch black when she enters, a faint sound coming out of Killian’s bedroom. She kicks off her boots and walks toward the hallway and stops in front of his door. It isn’t closed shut, and she can see that there is the light of his computer illuminating his dark bedroom. She tentatively pushes the door open and is welcomed with the sight of Killian sleeping while his computer keeps playing the show he was watching. 

 

She enters his room, not entirely sure why, but her feet lead her further in and she can’t bring herself to care. Her lips curve slightly when she sees how peaceful and young he looks in his sleep. Her fingers are caressing his cheek before she can register what she’s doing, his stubble scratching the tip of fingers, and she realises how much she missed touching him this past week. Her hand trails down his throat and chest, relishing the feel of his chest hair brushing her palm. She gulps when her fingertips reach his navel, itching to bury her hand beneath his boxers. 

 

Her breathing picks up the pace as she licks her lips. She sits at the edge of his bed as she palms him through his boxers, his cock twitching the moment she touches him. She blames the alcohol for making her this bold, to come into his room and touch him while he sleeps. She would never do that if she were sober and she would be ashamed for acting this way, but right now she can’t bring herself to care when she sees how her touches affects him. His eyebrows furrow in his sleep, his lips part just a bit, and his chest starts to rise as his breathing gets heavier. 

 

It doesn’t take long for him to be hard under her touch, and she doesn’t waste time in pushing the fabric down so she can finally touch him properly. Her lips are on him before she knows it and she can’t help herself but hum when she tastes his tangy flesh. She takes him deep in her mouth as her tongue caresses his length and and darts her eyes up to look at him still asleep. She’s curling her hand at the base of him when suddenly she feels him grasp a fistful of her hair and let out a moan that sounds like her name. 

 

“Fuck,” he says breathlessly as his hips raise. Emma smiles at him as she looks at his confused and aroused expression. “What are you doing Emma?”

 

Instead of replying, she lifts herself up from the bed and tears her clothes off, her body hot, the need to feel his skin on hers growing more and more desperate. She straddles his hips once she’s naked, and they both gasp when her wet core comes in contact with his cock. His hands instantly move to her hips and slowly make their up until they reach her breasts. She takes his hands and pins them above his head as she leans forward and kisses him senseless.

 

“Don’t talk,” she whispers as she starts to move her hips above him, one hand on his wrists to keep him from moving and the other grasping his length to align him with her entrance. 

 

A loud moan escapes her lips when he’s fully inside her and she should feel embarrassed with all this, coming to his room and waking him up with her lips on his cock, but it feels too damn good to think about consequences right now. She keeps kissing him as she rides him, sucking his bottom lip in her mouth. She can feel herself slowly reach her peak, and she leans back as she moves his hands to her breast. Killian doesn’t waste time in fondling her chest, twisting and pinching her nipples while she moves a hand down where they are joined. Her hips move faster as she nears her climax and she can hear Killian groan and moan as she does so. He suddenly leans forward, one arm curling around her waist while one hand comes to cup her cheek as he kisses her. He moves his lips to her neck, sucking her flesh as she lets out a silent cry when her orgasm crushes her. 

 

The movement of her hips slow down as she rides the waves of her release as Killian keeps peppering her shoulder with kisses. Before she can come down from her high, he moves them so she’s on her back and raises her hands above her head as he gives her the same treatment she gave him. He keeps his hands on her wrists while he thrusts into her at a fast pace, his hot breath fanning over her neck. He kisses her hard as hips moves erratically before stilling as he groans into her mouth.  

 

They remain still for a moment as they try to regain their composure. Killian manages after a while to push himself off her and lay down on his back next to her. Emma’s breathing is still uneven as she turns to look at him as his eyes are fixed on the ceiling. He must have sensed her gaze on him as he quickly turns his head around to look at her. They look at each other, and she can tell that he’s still trying to understand what the hell just happened She would be lying if she wasn’t asking herself the same question but she doesn’t want to linger on the matter. She scoots next to him, laying her head on his chest with her arm on his stomach. Killian’s body goes stiff at her gesture but quickly relaxes as he then starts to caress her hair. 

 

Emma can feel herself drifting to sleep and she tells herself that she should get up, grab her clothes and sleep in her own bed. She tries to motivate herself to do so but she finds herself relishing on Killian’s soft caresses. 

  
Maybe just this once, she tells herself before closing her eyes and falling asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking most of the summer to update this story, a mix of writer's block and busy summer has made it quite difficult to write! I hope you liked this chapter (I am actually nervous posting this, scared that it sucks even though my lovely beta Phiralovesloki says it doesn't).
> 
> As for the story, I know Emma can't be frustrating when it comes to admit feelings, she'll get there very soon, I promise!
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Caro xxxxxxx


	5. Chapter 5

Killian feels the fuzziness of slumber slowly dissipate as he becomes more and more aware of his surroundings. He sighs heavily and slowly opens his eyes, rubbing at them with his hand. He suddenly hears the sound of someone else’s breathing and turns his head around to notice Emma sleeping soundly right next to him. Images from the previous night come rushing back to his mind and he can’t help himself but smile at seeing her still in his bed. 

 

He still doesn’t understand how things shifted between them when he had spent the last week trying to distance himself from her, trying to forget the feelings that were simmering inside him whenever he was near her. A part of him is happy that she came to him the night before, not only because of the wicked things they did together but because she actually came to him, seeking his presence. A flicker of hope sparks inside him as he hopes that she missed him, not only what his body had to offer but  him , and everything that made him. But there’s also a part telling him that the moment she wakes up, she’ll flee and push him away, and end this thing between him. He can’t even fathom not having her around and thought makes his heart ache. 

 

Emma stirs next to him, and he freezes, hoping that she isn’t waking up right away. He wants to relish the moment of her next to him a little longer, warming his bed as long as possible. He manages to turn his head around and notices that she is still very sound asleep, with the sheet covering her from the waist down, revealing her enticing breasts to him. The sight of her chest completely bare makes all of his blood rush south. His breathing is already increasing and he tells himself that if this needs to be his last moment with her, he might as well enjoy it. 

 

He deftly moves under the covers, placing himself between her barely parted legs. His fingers grazes her soft mound delicately, the gesture making her legs spread just a tad. He lowers his mouth to her warmth, tentatively darting his tongue out to taste her. Emma lets out a soft moan as she repositions herself, giving him better access which he greedily accepts. He can feel her getting more and more aroused as he tastes her, her sweet tangy taste more and more present on her folds. He looks up at her as his hand moves to cup her breast and lightly pinch her nipple. Emma furrows her eyebrows as a low moan slips through her parted lips, her eyes opening wide enough for her to notice him between her legs. 

 

“Oh God,” she whispers as her hand comes to rest with his over her breast while the other dives into his hair. Her head falls back further into the pillow as she pushes her hips towards his mouth. 

 

Killian can’t help smirking as he lifts his head to look up at how beautiful she is sprawled on her back, letting the slow wave of her climax wash over her. He pushes two fingers inside her, curling them upwards which makes her back arch off his mattress. The sounds leaving her mouth are getting him more and more aroused as he presses his erection down for a bit of friction. He keeps his lips on her as he helps her come down from her high, pressing soft kisses on her bundle of nerves. He grips her hips as he makes his way up to her, kissing her fervently when he reaches her lips. Emma’s hands move to his back as she presses his chest to hers, moving her hips up as his cock meets her slippery sex. 

 

They breathe heavily as Killian blindly searches for a condom while she bites the skin under his jaw making his cock twitch even harder. He fumbles with the foil package, desperate to bury himself inside her. Sensing his desperation, Emma helps him roll down the condom down his shaft, her hands trembling as badly as his. He leans back to look at her, wanting to catalogue every single detail of her face as he enters her. Unfortunately, she doesn't give him the time to do that as she curls both hands behind his neck, pushing him down to her mouth while her legs wraps around his waist to urge him to take her. 

 

She moves her hips upwards for some friction until the tip of him slides inside her making them both moan. Killian wants to take his time, enjoy the feeling of her around him, her skin pressed on his, the way her chest heaves beneath him, the little sounds she makes as he stretches her. He wishes that it could like this forever, them sharing a bed every night, to wake with her next to him and start the morning with a bit of their own version of cardio or just have a lazy morning together. 

 

"Fuck Killian, move," she whimpers as she move her hips up, her hands on his ass as she pushes him down. He's now deep inside her, the tightness and warmth of her so overwhelming, and he loses some of the self control as he begins to move thrust in and out of her as her nails leave moon sized marks on his back. 

 

He crushes his lips on hers, teeth nibbling on her lower lip while she lets out a loud gasp when he changes the angle of his thrust. Her moans echo around his room, as she tightens her legs around him, as she tells him to go faster and harder. Emma’s back arches off the bed when her orgasm ripples through her, her eyes shut with her mouth shaped like an ‘o’. 

 

Killian slides in and out of her a few more times before succumbing to his own climax. He slumps forward, head buried in her damp neck as he tries to regain his breath. The warmth of her body is short lived when her hands come to rest on his shoulders to slowly push him off her. He turns on his side until his back falls on the mattress and as predicted, Emma gets up and quickly tries to find her clothes that are now scattered around his room.

 

“Emma,” he pleads, “what are you doing?”

 

An annoyed sigh escapes her lips as she puts on her panties followed by her bra. 

 

“I have things to do,” she tells him, concentrating more than necessary on buttoning her shirt. It's his turn to sigh as he gets out of his bed and grabs a clean pair of boxer briefs and walks over her. 

 

“You’re going to avoid me, aren't you?” She doesn't look up, ignoring his words as she grabs the last piece of clothing. Killian stops her from putting on her pants, his hand curling softly around her wrist, a silent plea for her to look at him.

 

“What do you want me to say, Killian? You know what this is, you agreed to it.”

 

“I did, but it can change. Don’t you want it to change?” He searches her eyes, trying to figure out what she’s thinking, her eyes always saying so much more than any words. He sees her hesitate, her mouth opening and closing a few times before she’s able to make a sound.

 

“No.” He tries to ignore the twist that this single word has on his heart, and looks down to his feet to regain some courage to look back at her again. 

 

“Why,” he starts and stops as he clears his throat from the lump that had lodge there. “Why are you so afraid of letting people in?”

 

An offended look comes across her features as she huffs at his question. “I’m not afraid of letting people in.” 

 

Her tone is defensive, as expected, and the fact that she is defensive and hurt tells him he’s right. He gathers more courage and takes a few steps closer, the distance between them almost nonexistent. 

 

“You are. That is why you decided to make this deal with me. Why do you think your dates always end badly? You’re always looking for an excuse or a reason why those people aren’t good enough for you, but you don’t even give them a chance. You’re too afraid to reveal yourself to others, to give them power over you, over your heart.”

 

His words hit her straight in the gut, and he can see the effect. She quickly masks the vulnerability that made itself known on her face and then looks back at him with determination. 

 

“You’re one to talk! Aren’t you the one who has one night stands and even admitted that you are way too damaged to want to commit yourself in a relationship? So why is this an issue all of sudden?”

 

“Because I’ve realized that I may be damaged and broken but I’m still willing to find out what this relationship between us may lead.” He takes her hands in his, and notices how she quickly looks down between them where their hands are now joined. He closes the space between them, leaning forward, his nose brushing hers as he hears her breathing now heavier. 

 

“Aren’t you willing to find out?” he whispers as his lips almost touch hers. 

 

“I can’t take a chance that I’m wrong about you.” Her hands move away from his grasp as they come to rest on his chest for a moment before she manages to push herself away from him. 

 

Emma leaves his room with her pants in her hands and closes the door, leaving Killian alone. He sits on his bed, hiding his face in his hands as he realizes that it’s now over. Whatever they had, their friendship, their friends with benefit situation, is now gone. He doesn’t know what to do next, knowing that there’s a strong chance that she will do everything to avoid him, and he’s scared that she might even consider moving, which would mean he wouldn’t even see her again.

 

-/-

 

Emma doesn’t give herself time to react. The moment she enters her room, she tosses her pants in the hamper and grabs clean clothes from her drawer before bolting towards the bathroom. Her face is still the perfect impression of calm as she the water starts running. When she’s finally under the stream of tepid water, her mind let its guard down, and she suddenly realizes what just happened over the past twelve hours. 

 

She sighs loudly when all she can think is that she’s fucked up really badly. She’s fucked up the friendship she had with Killian, one that she really enjoyed not only because she was getting laid. The worst of all is that she’s pushed him away with this whole  ‘let’s have amazing sex together but as friends’  thing.

 

Tears threaten to run down her already wet cheeks as she replays in her head what happened just a few minutes earlier and how sad Killian looked. It’s not that she doesn’t want their relationship to move forward to maybe something deeper than just sex, but it’s the fact that she wants that that scares the crap out of her. Killian hit the nail on the head when he told her that she was afraid of where romantic relationships could lead her, one of the reasons her dates always went badly. Sure, she did meet some creeps that would have never convinced her that they were boyfriend material, but there were a few that had potential, like Graham. He was perfect, good looking, kind, sweet and honest. It killed her when she told him that they couldn’t see each other again because she realized how much she liked him and it scared her, and now she’s doing the same with Killian. 

 

Emma shakes her head to rid herself of those thoughts as she grabs her loofah and starts to clean herself. She steps out of the shower once she’s clean and dries herself with her towel. She wraps it around her chest and secures it before she starts to untangle and her wet hair. She looks around the bathroom and decides to grab a few of her essentials in her make-up bag. She puts her clothes on and grabs a few things before heading out of her room. She takes a quick peek at his bedroom and notices that his door is still closed which would mean he hasn’t left his room. She lets out a relieved sigh and walks towards the kitchen to grab herself a granola bar before leaves the apartment. 

 

Once she’s outside, she has no idea what to do or where to go. She decides to go over to her favourite coffee shop and order herself the largest cup of coffee before sitting down in one of the comfy armchairs near the window. She takes out the novel she’s reading out of her bag and tries her best to distract herself until she can decide what the hell she’s going to do. After many attempts of reading the same sentence and failing, she decides that maybe it would be better to do something a bit more active to keep her mind busy.

 

After spending the day out, walking around the city and doing some window shopping, Emma is hungry but doesn’t want to go back to the apartment, wanting to avoid any uncomfortable conversation or silence with Killian. She doesn’t want to avoid him, but for now it seems it’s the only thing she is able to do. She takes her phone out of her purse and decides to text Tink. Maybe she’ll want to hang out, have a drink and even maybe let her crash at her place. 

 

An hour later she’s in her friend’s kitchen, helping her make dinner. Emma pours them each a generous amount of wine while she listens Tink talk about her work. She smiles, nods and laughs at the required time, but her thoughts keep wandering back to Killian, and realizes that it hasn’t been a full day since she last saw him and she already misses him like crazy. It’s knowing that their relationship, whatever it was, will never be the same and that there was a strong chance that she might not ever see him again that’s distracting her.

 

“Are you okay, Emma?” Tink’s voice pulls her out of her thoughts and she smiles at her as she tells her that she’s just fine. 

 

The petite blonde nods as she gives her a look, the one that tells her she doesn’t believe her but will let it slide for the time being. She lets her crash on her sofa bed after they spent the evening drinking the whole bottle of wine and doing their nails. 

 

Emma wakes up the next morning to the sound of the coffee maker beeping announcing that the brew is now ready. She rubs her eyes as she sits on the bed, looking around her friend’s perfectly organized living room. A sigh escapes her lips as she gets up to join Tink in the kitchen, eager to drink some coffee. 

 

“Sleep well?” Tink asks as she stirs her coffee. 

 

“Yeah,” Emma replies as she yawns and grabs herself a clean mug from the cupboard. 

 

“Care to tell me the real reason why you came here?” Emma is taken aback with her friend’s bluntness this early in the day. 

 

“You really go straight to the point, don’t you?” she teases as she finishes preparing her coffee and then moves to sit at the table with Tink.

 

“If that was the case, I would have asked you that question last night, and I didn’t.”

 

“Isn’t it a bit early to start doing this?” Emma asks as she curls her hand around her mug, relishing the warmth emanating from the ceramic. Tink doesn’t respond to her question, and the look on her face doesn’t change. 

 

“Look, I don’t feel like talking about it.”

 

“Are we really doing this? Emma, you can’t shut yourself away every time you’re upset. I know you, you are running away from something and you know damn well why. You’re here because you need someone to tell you the to cut the shit and do something about your issues. Now tell me, what happened?”

 

Emma curses her friend inwardly for knowing her so damn well. She takes a sip of her coffee as she gains the energy and courage to tell everything that happened with Killian over the past few months. Tink lets her talk, nodding along and occasionally interrupting her for more details or clarification. Emma fidgets on her chair when she finally gets to what happened the previous day, knowing already that her friend will approve with what Killian had told her. 

 

They stay in silence as Tink takes in all the information. Emma takes the opportunity to pour herself another cup needing the energy now that she feels emotionally drained. When she resumes her place at the table, Tink finally talks. 

 

“Why don’t you want to take a chance on him?” is the first question she asks. Emma doesn’t know what to say, she just knows why she can’t. But saying it out loud is something that she has never done since it would make it real. 

 

“You know why,” she whispers as she looks down at her drink. 

 

“I know, I want you to say it.” 

 

She closes her eyes as she shakes her head, damning her friend for being so goddamn perceptive. She musters her courage as she inhales deeply and opens her eyes to look at her friend.

 

“Because I know he could make me happy, and I am afraid that he’ll want me but will tire of me quickly. He’ll see how broken I am and it’ll be too much and he’ll leave me and I just can’t give myself the hope of being happy and then having it crushed. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to deal with another heartbreak.” As the words spills out of her mouth, so do the tears. After a few moments, her shoulders are shaking with the force of her sobbing.

 

Tink moves her chair closer to hers and wraps her arm around her shoulders. Emma leans her head on her shoulder while her friend strokes her back reassuringly.

 

“I know that getting yourself out there is hard, but you’re not the only one here who is afraid of getting their heart broken, and no one really is ready to have it crushed. You’re stronger than you know, Emma, and you’ll be able to get through it if it happens.” They stay in silence for a few minutes, the only sounds heard are the sniffling sound Emma makes. 

 

“And you know what?” Tink leans back so she can look at her, keeping her arm around her.  “It may never happen. Maybe he’ll always be crazy about you and leaving you will be something that isn’t even an option, but you won’t know until you give him a chance. Because if you don’t, you’ll never know, and you might regret it someday.”

 

“But I don’t want to lose him,” she murmurs as she swipes the back of her hand on her cheeks. 

 

“You already did. Now you have to decide if you want to fight for him.” Tink smiles at her reassuringly as she tucks a loose strand of hair behind Emma’s ear.

 

“So tell me, is he worth fighting for?” 

 

The question.  Is he worth fighting for? 

 

Emma ponders on the question for only a moment, the answer to this question known to her since the beginning. She wipes her tears away from her face and inhales as she straightens her shoulders.

  
“He is.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been the worst at updating this story and I'm soooo sorry that it took me two months! For those who are still reading it, there will be another chapter after this one. It is short story, I know, but considering it was supposed to be two, three chapters at the most, I think you guys had the occasion to enjoy it a bit longer!
> 
> I hoped you liked the update and a huge thanks to phiralovesloki for her beta'ing skills and her support, and also thanks to xpumpkindumplingx for always believing in me and encouraging me in my writing process!
> 
> See you next time! caro xx


	6. Outtake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a smut prompt on tumblr which was walking in on the other jerking off. I thought that it would go well in this story universe so this isn't an actual chapter. Let's just say this is one of the many times they had sex together following their agreement.
> 
> Ignore any mistakes, it wasn't edited.
> 
> A/N at the end

The apartment is unusually dark when he arrives at his apartment. At this time, Emma is usually home in her sweats waiting for her take out order, unless she has to work which she always texts him so he knows she'll come home late. He takes his phone out of the pocket of his jacket and checks for any missed messages. Nothing.

Killian shrugs his leather jacket off and tosses it on the bench near the door and takes his shoe's off before venturing any further. As he walks down the hallway towards the bathroom, he wonders where Emma might be. He reasons with himself that he isn't asking himself where she might be because he's worried about her like, only that he finds it weird that she didn't give him a heads up.

He walks by her room and notices that her door is half way open and that there's a bit of light coming out of it. Killian is about to knock on the door to see if she's there. He halts his movement when he hears a low moan. His heart starts beating fast wondering if she's in her room with someone else. He doesn't want to feel like a jealous boyfriend because he isn't, they aren't even a couple, just friends. Despite that, Killian can't help but feel as if someone is pinching at his heart. He hasn't peeked and he can hear Emma's shallow breathing and he can't help the way his body is responding to the sounds she makes.

Killian inhales deeply and holds his breath as he decides to take a quick look through the opening. A wave of relief courses through him when he sees her alone on her bed, her leggings pulled down and hanging on one ankle. Her legs are parted in a way that gives him a wonderful view of her, her arousal glistening on her pink flesh. Her fingers are tracing lazy circles around her clit, teasing herself while the other hand is under her tank top as she massages her breast. Emma's eyes are closed, lips parted and her cheeks are pink. She's quite a vision and Killian desperately needs to readjust his pants.

He decides to take a step back, let her have her moment and seek refuge in his room to take his problem in hand quite literally. As he moves away from the door, he inadvertently knock his elbow on the door frame, the action making a dull noise loud enough for Emma to open her eyes and look in his direction.

"Emma, I…"

"Come here." Her voice is thick with arousal and he follows her request.

Killian is standing at the foot of the bed while Emma continues to pleasure herself, this time her eyes open and fixed on him. He notices the smirk that stretches her lips as she moves her fingers through her slit, spreading her juices over her bundle of nerves. The action makes her back arch off the bed, a loud moan escaping her lips.

It's torture seeing her like this and before he knows it, he's unbuckling his belt and tossing his pants down. Killian sighs when his cock is free and takes himself in hand and lazily strokes himself.

"Fuck Emma, you really enjoy torturing me." he rasps

"I really do."

Just then, she moves two fingers inside her, her hips undulating as she seeks some kind of release. He takes his shirt off and then moves over the bed. He sits back on his haunches between her parted legs as he starts sliding his hand over his erection with more purpose. He glides the tip of his cock through her folds, both of them cursing at the contact.

"What do you need Swan?" he whispers while Emma takes a moment to take her shirt and bra off, leaving her completely bare.

"Just fuck me."

It only takes Killian a minute to grab a condom and roll it down his length and bury himself deep within her, her legs circling his waist. He can feel how badly she wants to come and he is more than happy to do so. His mouth his on her breast as he sucks on her nipple as he keeps a steady pace. Emma moans louder with each thrust, until he decides to move his fingers between them. From then on she starts cursing until she goes silent, her nails digging on his skin as he feels her walls tightening around his cock.

Her lips are insistent on his and he is more willing to give in. Killian feels as if he is slowly losing control and he knows he definitely did when she moans in his ear and tells him to go faster and harder. He buries his face in her neck when he comes. He falls next to Emma, and takes a moment to regain his breath.

"That was unexpected and quite amazing."

"Aye."

"I'm gonna take a shower. You want to use the bathroom to clean yourself up before I get in there?"

Killian is a bit baffle with the sudden change, but he can't say he isn't surprised. He nods and moves towards the bathroom to toss the condom in the trash and uses a damp cloth to clean himself. When he goes back to her room to gather his clothes, Emma's already wearing her bathrobe and smiles at him as if nothing happened and walks past him.

He knows what he got himself into with her, he did agree to the terms of their arrangement. They are just friends with benefits, nothing more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I know it has been quite some time since I updated this story (three months to be exact) or any of my stories. I've been going through a lot lately, and these past three months have been difficult on many levels. My boyfriend from 8 years and I broke up just before Christmas and I spent the last month searching for a new place and moving into a new apartment (which means I spent a few days without wi-fi as well). I had lots of family drama too and work has been very demanding. Now that I'm settled and have wi-fi again, I really want to take time and finish this story. Half of the last chapter has been written already, and the rest of it has already been planned out, it's just a question of finding the motivation to actually write it. Hopefully this little smutlet will help you wait for the next and last chapter!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this story, reviewing and for the few who sent me messages. You don't know how happy it makes me to read them, especially in these past months, they always made my day!
> 
> I'll be back sooon! xxxxxxxx
> 
> caro


	7. Chapter 7

She doesn’t come back that night. Killian expected she wouldn’t, but it still hurts to know that she was continuing to avoid him. He knows that from now on, the chances of actually seeing her are very slim; she’s quite resourceful when it comes to getting her things out of her room undetected. Maybe he’s being overdramatic, but his time spent with Emma has taught him that when she wants to run, she’s an expert.

He doesn’t know what else to do. He wants to show her that he’s not like all the other men that have only brought nothing but disappointment. He needs her to know how much he cares about her, that he’ll do anything for her—follow her to the end of the world if needed. He meant every word he had told her the night before: he isn’t just curious to see where their relationship could lead them; he’s convinced that they’re meant for each other. He’s known for a while now that he has a special connection with her, that they’re kindred spirits, but if Emma isn’t willing to admit, what can he do?

A few days go by and there’s still no sign of her. He grows more and more anxious at the thought of her avoiding him this much, and is on the verge of grabbing the rum he keeps in the cupboard over the fridge and numb his worries away. Killian knows it’s not the best solution, knows well where that will lead him, but he can’t take it anymore. He finds himself wandering into the kitchen, fingers itching to grab the bottle. He sits with it on the couch, glancing  around the living room. Every where he looks he sees  _ her _ , either remembering their passionate moments or simply them sharing a drink and hanging out.

He looks back at his hand holding the bottle of rum and tightens his grasp, closing his eyes hard as he tries to regain his self control. Eventually, he lets out a loud sigh before leaving , the unopened bottle on the coffee table and rushing out the door. He needs to keep himself busy before he does something stupid, like getting himself stinking drunk and leave endless messages on Emma’s voicemail.

-/-

Since her talk with Tink, Emma keeps asking herself if she’s ready to take such a huge step with Killian. In the past week, she’s come to accept her feelings for him, but she still feels unable to actually do something about them. After a week, she finally manages to leave Tink’s place (with her friend’s encouragement), even if she doesn’t feel ready, and head back to her own apartment.

She’s nervous. Scratch that, she’s  _ extremely _ nervous. Why wouldn’t she be? She denied her own feelings for Killian, and in the process she pushed him away and hurt him. She’s a bit relieved when she enters the apartment and notices he’s not even there, but relief is quickly replaced with worry. Maybe he’s just out for the night, though—she doesn’t want to panic over it. She opts for a shower to clear her head and calm her nerves.

When Emma leaves the bathroom, towel wrapped around her and wet hair clinging to her skin, she stops in front of his room and tentatively peeks inside. His bed is made (as usual) and his room seems to have been unoccupied for quite some bit. She bites her lower lip and decides maybe it  _ is _ time to panic. She hurries to get dressed and pulls her hair up in a wet messy bun before grabbing her purse and fleeing the apartment in search of her roommate.

She keeps telling herself that she’s panicking for absolutely nothing. It’s Killian’s apartment; he wouldn’t have just left his place because of her, and besides, he isn’t the type of guy to just give up or run away. At least she hopes he isn’t. She thinks of all the places where he might seek comfort or refuge; the first one that comes to mind is the pub where he occasionally plays and sometimes gets himself stinking drunk.

 

She enters the bar, a bit unfamiliar with the surroundings in broad daylight. The ambiance is calm compared to how it is when she drops by at night, with a few patrons here and there sharing a mid-afternoon drink. She recognizes the bartender as one of the guys Killian jams with and she walks straight in his direction. He’s checking out his phone, clearly bored with the lack of clientele.

“Hi,” she says tentatively, not knowing exactly what to say next. He looks up and squints his eyes as he tries to recognize her, his features relaxing when he seems to remember who she is.

“Emma, right?”

“Yeah, um ...” she starts, before realizing she doesn’t remember his name; she feels quite awful since he clearly remember hers.

“Robin.” He gives her one of those smiles that tells her that it’s okay that she forgotten his name, to which she responds with one of her own. She shifts on her feet and looks around as she tries to manage to appear calm and put-together, as opposed to the desperate mess she is to find Killian.

“You’re a friend of Killian, aren’t you?”

“I am.” She suddenly wonders what Killian might have told his friends about her and their relationship, but based on the way Robin is looking at her, she suspects he hasn’t.

“I’m looking for him; do you know where he might be?”

“Aren’t you his roommate?” His question baffles her, but he looks as confused as she is. He really must not know whatever transpired between her and his friend.

“I am, it’s just that I’ve been out for the week and I haven’t seen him back at our place.”

“The last I heard from him, he was going over at his brother’s for a little while.” 

 

She’s relieved upon hearing that, knowing that he didn’t actually run away, but it still hurts that she’s probably be the reason he left. She can’t blame him; with his feelings for her and with the way she treated him, why would he want to stay in the place where they spent so much time together? She wouldn’t.

 

An hour later, she’s parking her yellow Bug in an empty driveway. She hopes that the address she found for Liam Jones is the right one, and she also hopes that Killian will actually want to talk to her. She climbs out from her car and makes her way up the stone steps that lead to the front door. She waits a little while in front of the glass door, trying to gain enough courage to ring the bell. Finally, she wipes her sweaty hands on her thighs and then presses on it. It takes a minute before she sees someone through the frosted glass heading towards the door. 

 

She can’t help but grin widely when she sees him, her nervousness leaving her for a moment while the joy of finding him overwhelms her. When she sees his confused look, she remembers that he might not be glad she found him.

“Emma, what are you doing here?”

“I needed to see you.” A faint smile grazes his features, as if he’s not completely sure if her being there is a good thing or not. “Can I come in?” she whispers.

“Of course, where are my manners?” She follows him inside as he leads her towards the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink?”

“Is it too much to ask if you have anything with alcohol?”

He chuckles at that, and she realizes how much she missed that sound. She has been so selfish and blind to notice how deep her feelings for him ran.

“I do,” he answers, taking two beers out of the fridge, handing one to her. He does so over the kitchen island, clearly maintaining his distance from her. But his fingertips graze hers as she takes the bottle from him, and a shiver runs down her spine. It takes all her energy and willpower to keep herself from running around the counter to kiss him.

  
  


They both sip their drinks in awkward silence, Killian clearly waiting for her to say something, while she tries to remember everything she wanted to tell him so desperately. He clears his throat which makes her look up at him, and damn, he’s gorgeous despite having his unkempt beard. 

 

“Came to spend some time with your brother?” The moment the question leave her lips, she wants to hide her face in her hands and die of embarrassment. She decides instead to continue drinking her beer so she has something to do while she waits his answer. 

 

“My brother called me and asked if I wanted to housesit, since he and Elsa decided to leave for the week in the country. I thought a change of scenery could do me some good.”

 

“That’s good.” This time, she can’t stop herself from cringing. 

 

“Swan,” he sighs, “what are you doing here?”

 

She bites her lip, trying to find the right words. She’s had her speech planned out for the past week, and she’s been rehearsing it in her head for the past hour, but now she doesn't know where to start. She wants to just kiss him,  _ show  _ him how she feels instead of telling him, but she knows he needs to hear it, to be reassured. 

 

“I wanted to apologize.” She sees his eyebrow raise and his lips purse as he ponders her few words. 

 

“Is that all?” It’s simple and direct.

 

And it hurts. His words hit her right in the chest, constricting painfully around her heart. He’s keeping his distance and his tone is cold. She can’t blame him; she did hurt him. She takes a deep breath as she closes her eyes and gathers her courage. When she looks back at him, he’s looking at her and can see that he’s restraining himself, as if he doesn’t want to show his vulnerability. 

 

“No,” she whispers. 

 

Emma deposits her beer bottle on the counter, and slowly walks around the kitchen island. She can hear his quick intake of air as she comes near him and takes his hands in hers. His skin is warm and despite everything that’s happened, he can’t seem to hold himself back; he squeezes her hand, giving her the guts to say what she has to say. 

 

“I missed you so much. I’ve been selfish and I let my insecurities get the best of me. And I feel like such an idiot that I had to hurt you to realize that.”

 

There are only a few inches separating them now; her hands move to his chest while his slowly make their way around her waist to the small of her back until they’re hugging. He nuzzles her neck, his beard tickling her skin. His scent is overwhelming and for the first time in weeks, Emma feels warm and happy in way she hasn’t let herself feel in a long,  _ long _ time.

 

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” he whispers into her ear, his teeth grazing her lobe, the action sending shivers down her spine. 

 

“You were right, I  _ am _ afraid of letting people in. But for the first time in a long time, I want something more. I’m willing to let  _ you _ in.” 

 

Killian leans back, looking at her with so much love as he gives her one of his toothy grin. She mirrors his smile as he moves his hand behind her head, tilting her head to the side as he kisses her senseless. It’s as if he’s pouring out all the emotions he’s been holding back for the past few weeks. 

 

His hands move lower, squeezing her backside as he moves them towards the counter, her back hitting the kitchen island. He can’t seem to stop kissing her, not that she minds, not at all. He thrusts his hips forward, his erection pressing on the seam of her jeans, the sensation enough to make her grip his biceps and moan. 

 

“Easy there, tiger,” she chuckles. He moves his lips down her throat and playfully bites her the skin above her collarbone. “So I guess we’re not friends with benefits anymore, are we?” It’s her turn to nuzzle his neck, inhaling his spicy scent. 

 

“I guess not. Tell me, love, what are we?”

 

“I think it’s safe to say we’re dating.” He hums at that, and she can feel the vibration run through his body. 

 

“In that case, I should take you out on a date, a proper one.” 

 

“And what is a proper date?” She’s smiling, she can’t seem to stop, and he smiles back. how on earth did she want to deny this?  _ Stupid _ , she was very _ stupid. _

 

“Me picking you up at the apartment, take you out to a nice restaurant, and go for a walk under the stars.”

 

“ _ Very  _ proper indeed.”

 

“Don’t worry, Swan, it’ll get improper once we’re home.” He gives her a salacious smirk, one filled with dirty promises she knows he can deliver on. 

 

“I bet it will.” He kisses her again, and it doesn’t take that much time until they are both hot and bothered. She really wants more; she missed him so much, missed the way he touched her, how he made her feel so full and sated. She wants this, but oddly enough, she wants to take things slow this time around. 

 

“Killian, wait.” She can hear herself whine as her lips leave his, although she doesn’t stop gripping the front of his flannel shirt. 

 

“What is it, love? Want to move somewhere more comfortable?” He squeezes both her breasts as he bites down on her shoulder.

 

“ _ Fuck _ ,” she gasps as she tries to remember what she wanted to say. “Killian, let’s wait.”

 

That gets him to stop, his hands resting on her hips as he comically raises one of thick eyebrows. 

 

“Emma Swan wants to wait. That’s new,” he teases.

 

She scoffs and bats him in the chest. “It’s just, this is new. It’s a new beginning for us. I was thinking we can do things the right way for once, and have sex, you know,  _ after _ the date, not before.” She’s blushing. She, Emma Swan, is blushing because she’s asking her boyfriend (yes, she decided, she’s calling him her boyfriend) to wait to have sex. 

 

“A bit unconventional for us, don’t you think?” he asks. She shrugs at that, which only makes him smile even wider. “I guess we spice things up and restrain ourselves a little.”

 

“Good.”

 

-/- 

 

Killian doesn’t remember the last time he’s smiled so much. Nor can he remember being this aroused without being able to do anything about it. After their talk, he and Emma decide to move from the kitchen to the living room, which ends up being a very bad idea. Bodies pressed together and wandering hands bring them right back to their previous predicament, with Emma reminding him once again that they are taking things slow. 

 

They decide to go out for a walk around Liam’s neighborhood, since they are sure to keep their hands to themselves in public, although they do end up holding hands. As they walk, they talk about their upcoming date and decide to wait for him to come back to the apartment the next day. He’s excited that  that he’ll actually be able to pick her up. 

 

He walks her to her car and she inevitably ends up pressed on the door of her yellow Bug. It’s tough for him not to react, but both of them are trying really hard to control their hormones. He reluctantly lets her go, and for the first time this week, he doesn’t want to be over at Liam’s. Up until Emma showed up, he was considering moving in with his brother while he searched for a new apartment. How could he keep living in the place that held so many memories of what he’d shared with Emma before she rejected him? But now, things are different— _ very _ different—and the only thing he wants is to be with her and never let go.

 

He can’t sleep that night thanks to his excitement, and when he does manage to sleep, he dreams of golden hair and green eyes. He wakes up well before his alarm goes up and decides to take advantage of the early start. He brews himself some coffee as he thinks over tonight’s dinner plan and scours the internet in search of nice restaurant where he could take Emma. As he finalizes his plans,, he receives a text from his brother announcing him that they are on their way and should be there in an hour or so. Killian takes it as his cue to do the duties they assigned him one last time, which pretty much consists of watering the plants, dusting here and there, and sweeping the floor. He’s done by the time his brother and sister-in-law walk through the door.

 

Liam quickly notices the change in his mood, and it isn’t long before he’s sitting at the kitchen table with him while Elsa prepares tea. He tells them about the previous night's events, although he tactfully omits omitting any mentions of them making out as horny teenagers. Liam is surprised by the news while Elsa grins at him and moves around the table to hug him.

 

After they finish their tea, he excuses himself and goes over to the guest room to grab a few necessities before heading towards the shower to start getting ready for his date. He trims his beard, realizing that he did indeed let himself go this past week, and then proceeds on rummaging through his bag in search of a nice shirt that he’ll be able to wear.

 

Liam hugs him as he’s about to leave, telling him not to muck it up with Emma and he thanks him for letting him stay over at his house for a few days. Elsa wraps her arms around him as well and wishes him good luck. 

 

“Don’t muck it up.” Liam tells him as he hugs him. 

 

“I won’t, trust me.” His brother claps him on the back one last time.

 

“Good luck Killian.” Elsa whispers into his ear as she hugs him tightly. He kisses her cheek and thanks them both for letting him stay over at their house for a few days.

 

It’s been a long time since he’s been nervous like this, although it’s the good kind of nervous. He makes a quick stop before heading to his place— _ their place _ —and when he arrives in front of the building, he takes a deep breath before through the glass door and making his way towards the lift.

 

When he gets to the door to the apartment, he pauses. Should he knock, or just unlock the door and go inside? Letting the romantic in him win, he drops his overnight bag on the carpet so he can hide one hand behind his back and use his free hand to knock on the door. 

 

His jaw drops to the floor when he sees Emma. Over the past year, he’s has seen her get ready for dates quite a few times, and each time, he’d been unable to admit that he was a tad jealous of the prick she was going to go out with. The way she looks now, puts all those past looks to shame. The dress she’s wearing for was simple, with black at the top, with a sweetheart neckline and thick straps. The skirt is a creamy white, hugging her curves perfectly, and the hem hits the top of her knees. Her legs look amazing, her black heels enhancing the muscles of her calves. 

 

He hears Emma chuckle and say something like _‘that’s the reaction I was aiming for_ ’ and that’s when he manages to look up. She’s as beautiful as ever, just a bit of makeup enhancing her natural features and making her green eyes pop, and her hair is pulled back in a sophisticated ponytail. He closes his mouth, which he notices is dry, and  feels entirely at lost for words. Before he makes a fool out of himself, he decides to give her the single red rose he purchased on his way over. 

 

“You look stunning, Swan.”

 

Her cheeks turn as red as the flower as she takes the rose from him, and he swears he has never seen a sight as beautiful as this one. 

 

“Thank you,” she whispers as she dips her nose to smell it. “Let me put this in water and we can go.” 

 

He’s convinced she’s trying to kill him as she turns around and gives her a wicked look over her shoulder before heading for the kitchen. He takes a step inside long enough for him to put his overnight bag in the hallway and returns to wait by the door.

 

“Afraid to come inside?” she teases as she grabs her purse from the bench.

 

“I'm afraid that if I come inside, I won't be able to keep my hands to myself.”

 

She blushes as she walks past him and out the door. “Well, I was promised a date.”

 

He grins at her as they finally make their way out of the building. It doesn't take long for the to link their fingers together, lightly swinging their arms back and forward as they walk to the restaurant. 

 

The evening is everything he could have hoped for and more. So  _ much  _ more. The morning before he had woken up sad and hollow, convinced that he would never seen Emma again. She had been so scared about her own feelings that she pushed him away. He had an inkling back then that she had feelings for him but when she left, all certainty vanished along with her. He had started to come to terms with the fact that it was all in his head, that whatever he thought they could have was only the hopeless romantic in him. And he had then sworn for the second time in his life that love only brought pain and misery. 

 

Until yesterday. When he’d seen her standing on the porch, he had been convinced that his mind was playing tricks on him. He’s never expected her to come to him, especially while he was over at his brother’s. Even though he had been pleasantly surprised to see her there, he’d still been wary of the reason for her arrival. If he’d learned one thing over the years, when it came to matters of the heart, it was that anything could happen, good or bad. 

 

For as long as he’d known Emma, he’d known that she spoke through actions more than through words. So when she’d actually  _ told _ him that she was ready and willing to let him in, he’d felt as if all his previous pain and worry had been washed away. Having her speak from the heart meant  _ everything. _ He didn’t take her effort for granted.

 

And the date is going well; he can tell Emma is enjoying herself. There’s a  glint in her eyes whenever she smiles at him, and she’s laughing without restraint and constantly seeking out his hand with hers.t When they finish eating, they decide to go out for a drink at the bar where he sometimes plays with Robin. There are a few people he knows there, but tonight he wants privacy, so he opts for a booth where they’ll be left alone. 

 

It barely takes two drinks for them to lose some of their self control. Killian begins nuzzling Emma’s neck, while his hand slips higher on her inner thigh. The tips of his fingers graze her lacy panties and he groans when he feels how damp they are. She swallows a moan when he presses his fingers lightly on her bundle of nerves, and her hips thrust forward. 

 

“Killian,” she whines. “Take me home before I do something indecent, like climbing on your lap and having my way with you.” He groans at her words, his cock now rock hard as he imagines her riding him right there. 

 

“Give me a minute love.” He readjusts his pants as best as he can, while Emma smirks at him and tells him she’ll head to the bathroom while he gets his erection under control.

 

Five minutes later, the bill is payed and they are outside and on their way back to their place. The walk is silent, except for the sound of the feet hitting the pavement. He can feel the tension between them, how eager they are to have each other again after all this time. 

 

He expects them to get to their apartment and not even wait to get to one of their rooms before they take their clothes off. But to his surprise, Emma takes her time entering the hallway and makes no move to kiss him or tear his clothes off. It’s so unlike them. But that was before, he reminds himself, when their relationship was basically just sex. Now, they’re dating; things are different. Emma takes him by the hand and slowly leads him to her room. 

 

She turns the lamp on her end table on, and then turns her back to him and looks at him over her shoulder. He gets the hint and closes the distance between them, his hand going for the zipper of her dress. He’s in no hurry, the pads of his fingertips caressing the skin of her neck and shoulders, his lips following each touch. She shivers when her dress falls to her hips, his hands moving towards her front, caressing her stomach up to her breasts. Her head falls back on his shoulders and he takes the occasion to suck on her pulse point as he plays with her her nipples through the lace of her bra. 

 

Killian can feel her pushing her hips back, his erection pressing between her cheeks. He feels as if he’s a rubber band about to snap, but takes a deep breath to keep himself under control and maintain the slow pace. Emma’s hand moves back, cupping the back of his neck as best she can as he takes her earlobe between his teeth. 

 

“Oh fuck Killian. I want you so much.” She finally turns around to kiss him. It’s passionate and eager, but at the same time, there’s a tenderness that was never there before. He doesn’t know how to explain it, but he feels full of love, like it’s coursing through his veins. 

 

They slowly divest themselves of their clothes and move to her bed. They each take their turn on exploring every inch of each other’s bodies, teasing one another by touching everywhere except the place they are burning to be touched. Normally, one of them would have begged the other to move things along, but tonight, everything is different. 

 

When he finally puts a condom on and settles between her legs, she takes her time to pull him towards her, kissing him slowly. He can feel her small delicate hand move between them, grasping his length and guiding it towards her entrance as she keeps her lips sealed with his. It’s slow and tender as he rocks his hips forward. They can’t seem to stop kissing, moaning into each others mouth until they feel their climaxes closing in. Their foreheads are pressed together, and they both pant and moan until he feels Emma’s walls tightened around his shaft, triggering his own release. 

 

For the first time ever, they bask in the afterglow of their lovemaking. They take their time cleaning themselves up, and then she cuddles with him, letting their legs tangle together. He has never felt this happy, loved, and sated. He can’t stop the smile spreading across his lips when she closes her eyes with a faint smile on her face.

 

-/-

 

Emma wakes up the next morning with Killian’s body warming her bed. She snuggles into his chest, and she feels him stir and awaken.

 

“What time is it?” he slurs as he tightens his hold on her. 

 

“It’s still early,” she murmurs before presses a kiss on his shoulder.

 

He hums at the touch, and slowly opens his eyes. He seems so happy, which further reinforces how foolish she was to believe that she didn’t have feelings for him. It was all in the past now, and she is beyond grateful that she’s come to her senses, letting herself enjoy what it means to love and be loved. Well, they haven’t said the words yet, but knows they’ll come soon, either from her or him. And for the first time, the thought of  _ love _ , the words and the emotion, isn’t something that is makes her want to run away. 

 

“What is it love?” She smiles at the term of endearment, fitting well with her thoughts. 

 

“I’m just realizing how happy I am, and how there isn’t anywhere else I would want to be.” She can see his Adam’s apple bob up and down followed by a small exhale of air. 

 

“I’m happy too. I hope you know that.”

 

“I do.” She presses her lips on his, her fingers caressing his hair.

 

“I have something to ask you.” 

 

“Do ask.” 

 

Emma bites her lip. It’s silly for her to be nervous and ask him this, but she can’t help it.

 

“Would you like to be my plus one to my sister’s wedding?”

 

Killian tucks his arm behind his head as he makes a show of thinking about her invitation. She rolls her eyes at the fact that he needs to make her wait in such dramatic fashion.

 

“Well, it depends. Am I to go as a friend or your roommate?” 

 

“How about boyfriend?”

 

“Mmm, I could get used to that.”

 

“Good.”

 

She leans down to kiss him but he shifts them over so she’s laying on her back with him on top, the action making her yelp. 

 

She really doesn’t know who she was kidding when she told him that they were friends with benefits only. Killian is definitely a whole lot more than that. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally managed to push through my writer’s block in addition of the amount of things I had to deal with. I’m sorry it took so long for me to get this chapter ready but life happened.
> 
> This is the last chapter of this story, there won’t be an epilogue since I feel like it doesn’t need one. I really hope you enjoyed this last chapter. A lot of you have been supportive and some of you sent me some very lovely messages through ff.net, tumblr and here, and I really appreciate them!
> 
> A big thanks to my beta @phiralovesloki, you are an amazing beta but most importantly an amazing friend who listened to me rant and was there for me over the past few challenging months! <3
> 
> Once again, a big thank you to you all for reading this story!
> 
> I love you all! xxxxx


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